Me aT A Limbo

All my life (as far as I can remember) I didn't have any hard decisions to make, until now. I'm working as an English Teacher in one of the English Course in Jakarta. I love my job, because it's a dream come true. Since I was at the university, I knew I want to be an english teacher.

I have to say it wasn't an easy road to become one. It took me 3 years from my graduation year until I finally got the job. Alhamdulillaah everything went perfectly fine, until now.

Here's why: one of my colleague who worked as an administrator is going to resign because she's going to have a baby. And, my boss wants me to replace her. I know...I know......it's not a big problem, all I have to do is say yes and take the job. The thing is, I might not teach anymore if I be an administrator. I have to work behind the desk and deal with a lot of papers.

Everyone included my best friend (who also is my colleague) wants me to take the position, even my parents say go for it, but I don't know why I feel at a limbo. I feel I belong in the class not behind the desks. I don't deny that I'm afraid to lose my job if I don't take the administrator postion, but I don't want to deny my own feeling too. I don't want to disappoint other people if I don't take the job, but I don't want to do something I don't like.

I have tried to do "Istikharah prayer" and speak with my heart, what does it want. I know actually somewhere deep in my heart I already have the answer. I'm just afraid to say it out loud.